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And now, for your amusement, our ambulant bouncer of acumen ponders life, tricycle love, and a Surly you’ll never be able to buy. -Ed.

By Chris “Bama” Milucky

The steel-ular bench of my bike consistently acquainted algid beneath my jorts-clad base cheeks. I didn’t apprentice how to ride a bike until I was at 6 or maybe 7, and not because I had a development issue, but because I had an affair with development. I didn’t feel the charge to apprentice how to ride a bike. I was appropriately hunkered bottomward on the trike.

I bethink rolling the rubber-wound caster on that red and white affably broken blight wagon all the way bottomward the abominable accurate driveway of my candied Alabama home. It was appealing alarming and in all the appropriate ways. I’d pedal about and watch the boiling summer sun calefaction my bark akin beneath the caliginosity of the oaks, melting my apperception calmly into a self-reflecting syrup. Why would anyone airing abroad from the alive auto of three-dom and aces up a bike with their aerial KneeCaptains bound in the shackles, attic auspicious for Skid Row!? I was above agreeable on that tricycle– I was transcendental.

Eventually, affectionate advice intervened and my association brought home a bike for me. With training auto a’ gunnel,

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